I have been pondering lately as to why I write blogs about something that took place 7 years ago.
Friends suggest it is a self – help cathartic tool and perhaps it is to a certain extent.
A lot of people write about their cancer journey – some are funny, some serious, some interesting but it would never have occurred to me to read a complete strangers blog prior to my own diagnosis. Breast cancer was not on my radar despite knowing a couple of people who had been diagnosed. However, if they had written a blog and shared what they were going through I would have read it.
So, I also write for my friends so that they can understand more of my journey in case God forbid they find themselves going through something similar or they have a friend diagnosed.
If my blog helps one person along the way that is a good enough reason to write them so please feel free to share.
SOMETIMES THE FEAR
WON’T GO AWAY.
SO YOU’LL HAVE TO
DO IT AFRAID.
I saw this quote on Instagram and thought what an appropriate quote for all manner of situations.
I related to the fear in so many ways – as a child going to boarding school.
Walking into the staff room for the first time in a new job.
Having my second baby – the first one I had no idea what to expect.
The second round of chemo – again the first session I had no idea what to expect by the second I knew full well!
However, the memory that immediately came to mind was the fear of losing my hair.
A few days before I started chemotherapy I met the chemo nurse who showed me around the unit; she explained the regime and the likely side effects. I remember nothing other than a story she told me about a lady who got through most of her chemotherapy without having lost any hair until one day she was watching the tennis at Wimbledon, glanced to her right and noticed most of her had come out and blown onto the person sitting next to her.
I am not sure if it is a true story never the less it made me laugh.
I have mentioned before that I joined a thread on the Breast Cancer Care website open to anyone starting chemotherapy in March. Our conversation and warped humor centered around fear. Fear of hair loss, fear of wearing a wig, fear of the cold cap; bonus of free Brazilians courtesy of the NHS.
I remember I was at work and received a text from a local hairdresser offering waxing of all body parts at a reduced rate. I read it out loud and commented that I wouldn’t need any of it as it will happen anyway. My poor manager was so shocked all she could say was, “oh Georgie”.
Fair to say prior to starting chemo loss of hair was my biggest fear and post-loss, it was the least of my worries. However what NO ONE told me was that prior to my hair falling out was that it hurts – it bloody hurts. My head felt like I was being pricked all over. I could not sleep at night because the pillow felt like hedgehog prickles.
I also had not expected it to literally drop everywhere; in clumps, in thousands of hairs everywhere, in my coffee, my food and in the shower.
I never thought I would feel relieved once my head was shaved but I was as the pain stopped and the fear quickly forgotten.